Tuesday, July 31, 2007
I don't trust Denise Austin.
So I was browsing through the web today, and, as usual, bullsh1t spam email had flooded my inbox. (I never knew I was a bald man with an undersized tool! Well well well...) And I came across some of these fitness emails, like, "Join our program and lose 10 stones in an hour*!! ** (*For anyone with an amazingly fast metabolism, **Results may vary) " So I decided to do a little research into this crap (I was very bored and I'm still recovering from the cold my hamster gave me... Gee, thanks Penfold), and came across some lady called Denise Austin.At first, I thought the site looked really professional, and as it's free, I took a sneaky-peek at their exercises. This is when I came across this picture:
Now, I know I may not be the slimmest person on the planet *Kills the person in the background who says, "You got that f-cking right!!"*. And I know for sure that my thighs aren't the thinnest, either (but they've proven to be GREAT for walking with, so I like them the way they are). But there's no way in hell that I'm going to trust a woman with my fitness plans, when they have thighs like that. No way. They are, like, the same size as mine, or there abouts. She may be happy and smiley, but she has a tiny bust and abnormally huge thighs for her build. Therefore, I don't trust Denise Austin. Not like I'd go into a fitness plan, anyway. BMIs are a loada nonsense, as muscle is heavier than fat, and the more you exercise to lower your BMI, it actually does the reverse effect... but that's a different matter. Mind you, my sister said that to me once, and she IS in the region of 12-16 stone... *coughs madly* I never said that.
Asides from this, I am unhappy. I want to email Fremantle media, but, guess what! The biserable mastards have taken their email address off the site. So, I just went into my Sent Emails history, and fished out the address. That was about a week ago, and there's still no reply. So my last resort is by letter. Problem is, I have no paper. I used the last lot up making an origami rabbit-on-a-box (which went horribly wrong, by the way; his face got smashed in).
I have also discovered my kittens like watching cartoons. I put Victor and Hugo on for them to watch (surprise, surprise... well, it was the first DVD I saw, and I can't stand Alias the Jester, which was my other choice), and little Rosco sat there watching it for about 5 minutes before he got distracted by Jasper (who was fillying about on the windowsill, trying to pull the curtain down). Later on, Rosco came back and curled up on my lap and watched the small remainder of the episode. And another thing - they act all weird whenever a dog appears on TV. Once Jasper stood up and put his paws on the screen, and when a dog came on TV and barked, Jasper jumped back and ran away.
And now for an extremely disturbing picture of Jasper:
