Tuesday, July 31, 2007
I don't trust Denise Austin.
So I was browsing through the web today, and, as usual, bullsh1t spam email had flooded my inbox. (I never knew I was a bald man with an undersized tool! Well well well...) And I came across some of these fitness emails, like, "Join our program and lose 10 stones in an hour*!! ** (*For anyone with an amazingly fast metabolism, **Results may vary) " So I decided to do a little research into this crap (I was very bored and I'm still recovering from the cold my hamster gave me... Gee, thanks Penfold), and came across some lady called Denise Austin.
Now, I know I may not be the slimmest person on the planet *Kills the person in the background who says, "You got that f-cking right!!"*. And I know for sure that my thighs aren't the thinnest, either (but they've proven to be GREAT for walking with, so I like them the way they are). But there's no way in hell that I'm going to trust a woman with my fitness plans, when they have thighs like that. No way. They are, like, the same size as mine, or there abouts. She may be happy and smiley, but she has a tiny bust and abnormally huge thighs for her build. Therefore, I don't trust Denise Austin. 
Sunday, July 29, 2007
♪ Happy Penfold to you ♪ (?)
Uh, is there something wrong with my internet today? Only it's going stupidly-slow.I declare the above image as WTF-adorable. Because it's adorable, yet causes the question, "WTF?" at the same time. Hugo in a panda suit. Can't get any weirder than that (Oh yes it can). What's more, I take pride in saying that I made that screenshot. Yep, me. Me me me me me! I give myself a pat on the back for working out how to do that. Ouch - I just did that in real life and I hurt myself :( The chances of this? Slim.
So, to prevent this from happening to YOU... or your hamster, more likely, just get a tablespoon of lukewarm water, tablespoon of lukewarm milk, and a teaspoon of honey, mix it all up, and give it to your hamster via a syringe. Very, VERY effective.
But anyway, happy little Penfold was running around today, in fact, just half an hour ago. He was going quite fast for a 2-year-old. I was taking pictures of him again, and I got this little jem:
PENFOLD KILLED DANGERMOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
AND NOW HE'S EATING HIS SHOULDER!!!!!!!!!
(Dun dun dun)
Anyway...
The Happy birthday reference in the title is to do with my Grandad. It... being his birthday today. He's 87 today, hooray! And no, he's not the stereotypical old man who goes around all hunched up like a constipated rat and complaining about the weather to a pack of cheese. (I don't know what happened to my brain just then.) But what I found humourous was when he was opening his presents, and Ninja Nanny was there (my crazy Grandmother, not married to him... Remember my other Nan died Feb 2006?), and when he was examining his first present, Ninja gets up, picks up the tea tray like a servant, deliberately walks in front of the camcorder, and storms off into the kitchen. She never returned. I'm pretty sure if you were to review the recording (not posted here, never will be posted here), you'd probably hear my Dad's whisper to me: "Now, this is called jealousy."
Last thing I'm going to say, a very nice man is going to give me a DVD. For free. "What DVD?" I am not hearing you cry. None other than 12 episodes of Victor and Hugo. NO WAIT - DON'T LOSE INTEREST JUST YET!! This is fantastic, because it's very rare to get ONE episode, let alone 12. This is, like, rarer than finding a diamond the size of your head in your backgarden/backyard. Dude - if you're reading this, you know who you are, and IloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyouIloveyou!!!!!!! *cyber-hugs* Wait - I haven't got it yet. I'll link to his site as soon as I receive it, which apparently may take some time.
*Gets out a club, holds it threateningly*
I advise you to hurry up, sir.
(Just kidding.)
Wednesday, July 25, 2007
On boy scouts and red squirrels... and number plates
I know it's 1 day late, but happy 2nd anniversary, blog!! 2 years of utter bullsh*t! *Thank you, thank you...*
Wednesday, July 18, 2007
Hihihi my droogs
I'm talking mainly about their hairstyle, not the colour all that much. Well, he DOES TO ME. And everytime I look at him I burst out laughing (him oblivious as to why), because the really odd thing is that he adores classical music, just like Alex.
Nevermind, that has nothing to do with anything. What I WAS going to say was all this crap about 'What I dids on me 'olidays'. What I found REALLY unfair about the past week or so is how my family treated my brother... As you can see in the picture, he had his 18th birthday on the 10th July (I put 18 candles in an 18-shape/formation... it's hard to explain but hopefully you might understand). On his birthday, Ninja and my Aunt came 'round, and asked Your Humble Narrator to come with to Monkey World. If you don't know what that is, it's like a zoo, but for poor little monkeys with no friends or family or a lost leg or something. Or they just found it in the jungle, littering up the place, you know that kind of thing. Anyway, my question was: "Why can't Steven come?" Their reply - "There's no room in the car."
If you think that was bad enough, forgetting his birthday, like, think again, for there is a follow-up. Later that same day I was invited to see Pirates of the Carabbean 3, yet again, without Steven, the birthday-boy. Especially on his 18th, poor lad. Perhaps this wasn't as bad, because POTC3 sucked monkeyballs. It really did. If you liked it, I suggest you come on here and say why it is good... though I don't think many people will. When we left the cinema, everyone was grumbling about a waste of time/money/time and money.
And if you think THAT was bad enough, forgetting his birthday, like, again, think again, for there is a further follow-up. 2 days ago N.Nanny invited me to stay over her house, and go to Weymouth the next day (that being, um, yesterday). And Steven? Oooohhhh, nooooooo... That was a pretty strange and perhaps pointless visit... It's about, ooh, 20-30 miles away? The first shop we visited, led by our Ninja warrior, was a nationwide clothes shop. And the second one. But, oh, come on, there HAS to be a reason... My guess is that the receipts say "Weymouth" on them, which might, in her opinion, make a good souvenier.
I did mention my Grandad in my 'Droog' list at the beginning of this post. So I shall say: He's been teaching me chess. Perhaps this was a horrid mistake to make, because I keep putting him in checkmate in, like, less than 20 moves.
