Monday, February 26, 2007
So much for helping.
Writing this at skool. Sorry about any typos, for the laptop's keyboard is DEAD.Anyway, the introduction of a new coffee machine at our skool. However, it was soon found out that there were no cups in the machine (a vital part, eh?). So, I decided to do a good deed, and put a sign warning others of this. I tore a sheet of paper out of my book, and wrote, "NO CUPS! DO NOT USE!" in big(gish) letters. I stood back to admire my work. I had placed it in the retrieving part of the machine, as it wouldn't stand up.
However...
As soon as I had placed the sign, 2 people walked up, handling moneys. They saw the sign, looked confused, and LAUGHED. Other people walked by, looking at the sign, sniggering and looking in such a way that it is patronising for me to watch.
I thought I was doing a good deed, and instead everyone looks down on it.
I don't think I'll ever help another person again.
Monday, February 05, 2007
Just a quickie
Dear fans and people passing through,
I am in need of your help.
I shall delete this blog post once I am done, and update it when I need to. When this is done, a wonderful blogpost will be posted in honor of my, your, or our work. All suggestions helpful, and I will include your name if you help. If you swear at me or insult me, you don't get this wonderful honor.
RIGHT, down to business.
Subject: How do I answer this email?
I decided I'm going to follow in Ebola Monkey Man's footsteps and bait me a Nigerian 419 scammer. I was hoping to get some handy hints on this particular scammer, but they don't have him on there (my God!! That's a first).
I asked my Dad if he could help, but he said, "NO. These people will kill you!!" "Do you even know what I'm doing?" "I don't want to be involved...*peels potatoes*"
This is the email.
Dear Friend,
I am Mr. douglas kabore a banker with the above mentioned bank in Ouagadougou Burkina Faso in West Africa, holding the post of the Audit & Accounts dept. On Monday, 31 July, 2000, one Andreas Schranner, a Garman National, An Astute Business man of international repute, a contract with ecowas country, whose endeavours spans various areas of Business interest, (Real estate, contract and Farming .etc) made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit, valued at $10,600,000.00 (Ten Million, Six Hundred thousand United States Dollars) for twelve calendar months in my Bank Branch.
Upon Maturity, we sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his company that Mr. Andreas Schranner was aboard the AF4590 plane, which crashed Monday, 31 July 2000 into the Hotelissimo
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm
After further investigation, it was discovered that he died without making a WILL and all attempts to trace his next of kin proved fruitless.On further investigation, it was discovered that Late Mr. Andreas Schranner did not declare any next of kin or relatives in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paper work here in our Bank. The total sum, $10,600,000.00 is still in my bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. All efforts to trace and locate his next of kin proved abortive.
In accordance with the country’s banking laws and constitution guiding this banking institution stated that after the expiration of 7 (seven) years, if no body or person comes for the claim as the next of kin , such money will be revert to the Burkina Faso government treasury if nobody applies as the next of Kin to claim of the fund. Consequently, It is upon this respect, I seek to present you as a foreign partner to stand in as the next of kin to the late Mr. Andreas Schranner since no one will come up for the claim.
Upon acceptance of this proposal, I shall send to you by mail the b.o.a Bank "Next of Kin Payment Application Text Form" as well as detailed information on how this deal would be carried out.
The money will be shared in the ratio: Sixty percent for me, thirty percent for you and ten percent for any arising contingencies during the Course of this transaction. I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law, as I will use my position in the Bank's here to perfect this business transaction & secure Approvals and guarantee the successful execution of this transaction.
Please be informed that your utmost confidentiality is required. If this interests you, I want to remind you of the confidentiality of this Transaction at hand whatever your decision is.I await your urgent response. Your detailed reply should contain your telephone and fax numbers for easier communication for onward proceeding.
Thanks.
Mr. douglas kabore
Audits & Accounts
ManagerBank of africa
My reply:
Kabore,
Of course I am willing to help. Here are the details you requested:
Emily Daniels
37 Wood Street
London EC2P 2NQ
Tel: 020 7601 2455
(side note: This is actually the address and tel. of London police)
Sorry, but I am afraid I do not have fax.
I await your reply for further instructions,
~Emily
And his reply to this (is very long, so I'm just mentioning the important parts):
NB:When i hear from you,i will forward to you,the "text of application" which you will fill and then send to the bank,through the Bank's E-mail address or through Bank's Fax number,okay?.so when next you are relating to me bellow are what specificaly i need to know from you to enable me re-ensure that you are capable to handle the transaction as once you have applied as the next of kin, no one has the veto right to re-apply agine. If you are intrested in this transaction,when writing back to me i will like you to provide to me the answers of this questions.
1.your age
2.your marital status
3.your occupation
4.if you are ready to keep the transaction as top secret as i do not want it to jeopadise or have my reputable immage dented
5.your financial capability
6.your credibility and reliability as to avoid betrayal from you or seating on my share when the funds finaly hits your bank account
7.that all my instructions as an insider and as the initiator of the transaction would be taking for the betterment of a hitch transfer and also include your private telephone and fax number and endevoure to call me with the above indicated private telephone line as indicated above.
Ok, so how do I answer these questions?? I have NO IDEA what to put for 5 and 6. And guys - be serious! Make me seem cool but believable! I don't want something like, "I am Bill Gates, with 217 children and I'm the supreme ruler of this universe." Neither do I want, "I'm Joe. I live in a cardboard box on Baker Street. Very classy."
Good luck soldiers.
And no, I won't be killed XP
Peace out, "and may Allah be with you" (in the words of our Nigerian friend).
I am in need of your help.
I shall delete this blog post once I am done, and update it when I need to. When this is done, a wonderful blogpost will be posted in honor of my, your, or our work. All suggestions helpful, and I will include your name if you help. If you swear at me or insult me, you don't get this wonderful honor.
RIGHT, down to business.
Subject: How do I answer this email?
I decided I'm going to follow in Ebola Monkey Man's footsteps and bait me a Nigerian 419 scammer. I was hoping to get some handy hints on this particular scammer, but they don't have him on there (my God!! That's a first).
I asked my Dad if he could help, but he said, "NO. These people will kill you!!" "Do you even know what I'm doing?" "I don't want to be involved...*peels potatoes*"
This is the email.
Dear Friend,
I am Mr. douglas kabore a banker with the above mentioned bank in Ouagadougou Burkina Faso in West Africa, holding the post of the Audit & Accounts dept. On Monday, 31 July, 2000, one Andreas Schranner, a Garman National, An Astute Business man of international repute, a contract with ecowas country, whose endeavours spans various areas of Business interest, (Real estate, contract and Farming .etc) made a numbered time (Fixed) Deposit, valued at $10,600,000.00 (Ten Million, Six Hundred thousand United States Dollars) for twelve calendar months in my Bank Branch.
Upon Maturity, we sent a routine notification to his forwarding address but got no reply. After a month, we sent a reminder and finally we discovered from his company that Mr. Andreas Schranner was aboard the AF4590 plane, which crashed Monday, 31 July 2000 into the Hotelissimo
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm
After further investigation, it was discovered that he died without making a WILL and all attempts to trace his next of kin proved fruitless.On further investigation, it was discovered that Late Mr. Andreas Schranner did not declare any next of kin or relatives in all his official documents, including his Bank Deposit paper work here in our Bank. The total sum, $10,600,000.00 is still in my bank and the interest is being rolled over with the principal sum at the end of each year. All efforts to trace and locate his next of kin proved abortive.
In accordance with the country’s banking laws and constitution guiding this banking institution stated that after the expiration of 7 (seven) years, if no body or person comes for the claim as the next of kin , such money will be revert to the Burkina Faso government treasury if nobody applies as the next of Kin to claim of the fund. Consequently, It is upon this respect, I seek to present you as a foreign partner to stand in as the next of kin to the late Mr. Andreas Schranner since no one will come up for the claim.
Upon acceptance of this proposal, I shall send to you by mail the b.o.a Bank "Next of Kin Payment Application Text Form" as well as detailed information on how this deal would be carried out.
The money will be shared in the ratio: Sixty percent for me, thirty percent for you and ten percent for any arising contingencies during the Course of this transaction. I guarantee that this will be executed under legitimate arrangement that will protect you from any breach of the law, as I will use my position in the Bank's here to perfect this business transaction & secure Approvals and guarantee the successful execution of this transaction.
Please be informed that your utmost confidentiality is required. If this interests you, I want to remind you of the confidentiality of this Transaction at hand whatever your decision is.I await your urgent response. Your detailed reply should contain your telephone and fax numbers for easier communication for onward proceeding.
Thanks.
Mr. douglas kabore
Audits & Accounts
ManagerBank of africa
My reply:
Kabore,
Of course I am willing to help. Here are the details you requested:
Emily Daniels
37 Wood Street
London EC2P 2NQ
Tel: 020 7601 2455
(side note: This is actually the address and tel. of London police)
Sorry, but I am afraid I do not have fax.
I await your reply for further instructions,
~Emily
And his reply to this (is very long, so I'm just mentioning the important parts):
NB:When i hear from you,i will forward to you,the "text of application" which you will fill and then send to the bank,through the Bank's E-mail address or through Bank's Fax number,okay?.so when next you are relating to me bellow are what specificaly i need to know from you to enable me re-ensure that you are capable to handle the transaction as once you have applied as the next of kin, no one has the veto right to re-apply agine. If you are intrested in this transaction,when writing back to me i will like you to provide to me the answers of this questions.
1.your age
2.your marital status
3.your occupation
4.if you are ready to keep the transaction as top secret as i do not want it to jeopadise or have my reputable immage dented
5.your financial capability
6.your credibility and reliability as to avoid betrayal from you or seating on my share when the funds finaly hits your bank account
7.that all my instructions as an insider and as the initiator of the transaction would be taking for the betterment of a hitch transfer and also include your private telephone and fax number and endevoure to call me with the above indicated private telephone line as indicated above.
Ok, so how do I answer these questions?? I have NO IDEA what to put for 5 and 6. And guys - be serious! Make me seem cool but believable! I don't want something like, "I am Bill Gates, with 217 children and I'm the supreme ruler of this universe." Neither do I want, "I'm Joe. I live in a cardboard box on Baker Street. Very classy."
Good luck soldiers.
And no, I won't be killed XP
Peace out, "and may Allah be with you" (in the words of our Nigerian friend).
