Dear Die-ary...

I had a free 2 hours today. To do what I wanted. Why? Because we've already done an art exam this year, so I had a free 2 hours while others were working away on their exams. So what did I do? I wrote something. A lot of something. Here is most of it (feel free to skip it if you want o_0):

What, so, I'm sitting in 'art'.
I say 'art' because we're meant to be revising for our exams. They're not really exams, so I have no idea why we're doing them. There are people around me, seemingly oblivious to the noise they are making. It's all the same noises - the handling of paper, the turning of pages in books, and the occasional coughing and spluttering. Sometimes we get the sound of pen-clicking; a rare treat.
When I'm at the top of the HUM block, like I am now, I look out of the window and imagine what it'd be like if I was flying over the scene I am given. I know how horribly clichéd that sounds, but it's true. Once, in Summertime '05, I imagined that the town surrounded with trees was a jungle. I don't know why, so don't ask me. I didn't want to grow up and lose my vivid imagination. When you grow up, you lose any creativity skills you have mastered, and then you go to university and get a job/career which will dumb you down even more. I wish I was Peter Pan, sometimes, or another of those green tights-wearing freaks, so I never grow up. Most of the time I pretend I'm about 9 or 10, to kid myself into believing I never will. My childhood was lost. I don't know where it went, or what happened to it. When you're a child, you're meant to have a childhood sweetheart, which I never had. Well, I won't count Ben Harris because he was scared of me. When you're a teenager, you're meant to have a boyfriend (if you're a girl!), which I never will. It's not that I want to, it's that my life seems so WASTED. When I was on my work experience, my 'coworkers' asked me about my first boyfriend. They almost laughed at me when I said I never had one. It makes me feel like... an oddball. The closest I've ever had to a flirt was 1 year ago, when some intellectually-challenged boy who I knew at my old skool, simply said, "Hi." After this, he and his disciple laughed together. At me, or for what he did? I don't know. I didn't stop to ask them.

[THIS PARAGRAPH IS OMMITTED BECAUSE IT GETS A BIT PERSONAL!!]

Speaking of love and crap, I don't know why friends 'love' each other. If God wanted gay people, he'd have created Adam and Steve. To be honest, I don't even know who my friends are, anymore. I've thought less of Evil and Sophie, ever since the "You are fat" scenario. Nikki, Becky, et al seem to be friendly towards me, but for some reason I doubt that they are my friends. Y'know, I thought they liked me until... That's not important. The important thing is that I seem to be left out by them a lot. And Jordan... HA! I have no idea what I did, or what happened, but she hates my guts now. I don't remember where it changed. Even today, she shouted at me for me putting my bag on her blazer. I didn't put it anywhere near her blazer. She just scowled and shook her head, then strutted out of the room. But, to be PERFECTLY PERFECTLY honest, I don't want any friends. I like to be alone. I like to realise how mauled and disfigured my life is, and then wallow in a pool of depression for the next 3 hours. Hell, I'm no emo, no way!! SOme call me 'goth', some call me 'me'. To see people have a good time with friends sickens me, and also frightens me. Why does it frighten me? From my experience, those with others always like to pierce what little happiness another person has. Also from my experience, hitting them doesn't solve it. No, they'd call for help and say that this one person attacked them. From teacher's logic, people in groups are weaker than a single person. Maybe it's the constant softening of their brains with inane and corrupt logic, who knows?
My b1tching here isn't going to help anything. Nor is it doing any good for my reputation. (What reputation?) It's just something to do, in the 2 hours that I have. I was passed some comments that I have "written a lot." That was on the other side of the paper, and now it's gone more than half-way through of the other side. I wonder how many words I've written? I'm so sad, I'd count them all, but the screeching of my classmates would distract me and make me want to commit suicide there and then.
What am I going to do with this piece of paper? First of all, I'm going to copy it up onto my blog. What I'll do with it after that will only be decided on the mood that sweeps through me. The most likely decision will be to crumple it up with my Die-ary. Yes, I have one, and it contains all the things I'd never say on the web, where people can read it. This paper will lay beside it, emitting its waves of permanent sadness around it.

Wow... even though I got rid of that personal paragraph, and the pointless last 2 paragraphs... That's so emo, Strong Sad would be proud. I'M NOT EMO!!!!!! I just write a lotta crap sometimes.

But, uh, the rest of the day, yes! The morning exam was business crudies (studies). I was whined at by a lot of people how it was rediculously long and hard. This got me worrying, of course. But when I got 'round to it, it wasn't hard at all. Well, most of it wasn't hard. As soon as I got my writing juices flowing (I'm not referring to a broken pen), I was writing away. And finished quite early, too. There was only 1 question which I couldn't answer. 1!! And that was on... total quality management, or something like that. I was not warned about that. But still, pretty good on my behalf. Pretty good.

Then there was Biology. No one could help me on this, as we were all doing it together. But, my Mom sort-of helped me. Yesterday she was drilling last-minute information into my skull. I wasn't really paying attention then, and poured popcorn and salt into my hair, then shaking my head. But somehow I still I remembered most of the information I needed. I say 'most'. But still, somehow, I found that exam better than the other science exams. How?? I'm hoping that my Mom doesn't find out, because if she did, then she'll try persuading me into becoming a doctor when I'm older. And we all know I don't want that to happen.

And isn't it strange, that I did remarkably well, and I didn't take my 'brain tablet'?